I haven’t spoken to you in days.

I constantly pick up my phone to text you, and then remember how unreachable you are.

I feel oddly alone. No one else stays up with me till 3am, playing 20 questions and talking about our dreams. No one else knows how to deal with me at my worst, crying into the phone and screaming about the unfairness of it all.

And I am on withdrawal.

It is more than missing you. I ache for you, and can’t manage to get you out of my head. So I attempt to distract myself from thoughts of you, and from my loneliness, with M&M’s and music constantly blaring in my ears. I clean and re-clean my room, I snuggle in to watch a movie late at night, I read all day long. When really, I know that all I’m doing is waiting for you to come back.

I hadn’t realized how addicted I am. To just your voice, your words, the way you talk me down from my ledge of self-hate, the reassurance that you are always there. Even from so far, where I can’t touch you or hold you or fall asleep on your shoulder, you are still a comfort to me. And I am so, completely lost when you’re gone. So lonely and desperate for just your presence.

You are my drug, and I can’t understand how I’m supposed to live without you.


5 thoughts on “Drugged

  1. You have put into the perfect words exactly how I feel. thank you so much for this. it was something i have been trying to figure out for a while and reading these words made things a lot clearer. xx

    Liked by 2 people

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