Lavender

i wasn’t sure how to cope

with losing myself

so i dyed my hair again

and started planning to move

back to my hometown

hoping that some kind of 

drastic, unpredictable switch-up

would remind me

of who i was supposed to be

but i don’t think i’ll be found

in the color purple

or the beaches i left behind

and that, just like when i started starving

to numb the heartache

maybe i’m simply grasping

for something to hold onto

while my world is spiraling

out of control.