Guarded

when he touches my shoulder, i am tempted to run right there, right then away from the recollections, and the feeling of worthlessness subconsciously, i am guarded locked away protecting myself from being hurt again so i avoid his gaze cross over to the other side of the room and say hello to someone else … More Guarded

Serendipity

i started adding chai to my plain black tea, and drove 90 miles an hour with all the windows down on my way home last night, just because i felt like it– because i can, because i am no longer bored, because i have unintentionally stumbled across something i didn’t even know i needed. i … More Serendipity

Radical

simply existing can feel so empty sometimes that i go stir crazy, waking in the middle of the night staring out my window and contemplating how people come to love themselves and how long it would take to run all the way to the city   i guess i got tired of feeling the chaos … More Radical

Worth

they have told me they love my mind, that i have a beautiful soul, and that i am unique. that they are drawn to me, inexplicably and unforgettably. and it is a nice change from simply being called skinny, or attractive. at least, this is what i tell myself, when i am alone, and hating … More Worth

Grief

it continues to weigh on me. the illness in my head, the heaviness of my soul.   unable to concentrate, i stare aimlessly into my cold mug of tea, watching the calm and unmoving liquid.   how unlike the gravity of my mind, which never stops tossing and turning– it takes so much out of … More Grief

Wasted

i lift my hands to the sky as we drive and sing louder than anyone else, trying to get high on music and vibes.   and when we stop at 1am to eat, i sit in the middle of the table, center of attention. i look in their eyes and laugh.   i am so … More Wasted

Farewell

After a long summer of wondering, waiting, imagining how things would play out, exploring new avenues, discovering myself–I was finally able to say goodbye to everything that still haunted me. I visited Florida, where I left all my memories, and realized why they became memories in the first place. I cried with my dear, lovely … More Farewell